Despite this being a personal blog, I don’t normally make a habit of treating this space like a personal diary. But I wanted to write about my thoughts and feelings on the last 4.5 months in hopes of truly processing and maybe helping someone else feel a bit less alone.
Since I’ve started working, I’ve never had a pause this long. Admittedly, I wasn’t the happiest at my last job, but I was getting enough out of it to keep me showing up and working hard every single day. Unfortunately, I was part of a corporate downsize (the first of two rounds within three months) and have been on the market since.
In the first month, I wasn’t terribly worried. Even still, I wouldn’t say “worry” is the term I’d use. I just can’t believe that I, and so many others, have been out of work for months. Every time I open LinkedIn, I see a post from someone that’s newly #opentowork, or a post where someone shares how long they’ve been looking and that they’re now getting desperate and will take anything to survive.
It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions, and I’ve really taken stock of how much my self-worth was tied to having a job. Sure, I’ve changed jobs a lot (and this is the third time I’ve been part of a layoff), but it never took me long to find the next thing. Now, I just have a lot of gratitude for the fact that my husband and I were on top of our savings and that we’ve been able to weather this storm. He was out of work in February and just started his new role last week. It’s been a great thing for our little family, but he’s found it hard to be happy because of feeling defeated for so long, and the fear of how quickly things can change.
For me, it’s been incredibly disheartening to receive so many rejection emails. It’s also been disheartening to get ghosted by recruiters and hiring managers once I ask them for feedback after I have multiple (and sometimes even final) rounds with them. It’s hard to wake up and put yourself out there every single day as it is, but once you get that glimmer of hope that maybe things will change for you, then they don’t, and then you can’t even get some useful notes that will help you in your next process.
I’ve definitely been feeling depressed, but I keep trying to stay positive and motivated. Each day is different, but I’m not ready to give up. I’ve been fortunate enough to have a steady client since April, and have been helping them lift some of their content load. It’s been great to feel useful and keep my skills sharp.
There have been moments where I thought about pursuing another career path entirely, but I really don’t know what else I want to do more than marketing. It’s been my life for the last half a decade. I know this isn’t long in the grand scheme of life, and that it’s never too late to start over, but I don’t feel ready to pivot just yet.
To anybody reading this who is in a similar situation, don’t give up. As well, though it may feel hard, don’t be afraid to bet on yourself. You have a unique combo of gifts and abilities that somebody (or multiple folks) may need you to share with them. If it’s been a while, don’t forget who you are.
Take the time to step outside and go for a walk. Call your friends and family who make you feel grounded. Pet a dog (or cuddle your own). Try something new (if your pockets permit). Someone said to me recently that we have our whole lives to work, and that’s really stuck with me. This one life is all we know we have for sure, and you never know what tomorrow brings.
Just bear that in mind.
Khadijah Plummer Consulting 